


Who Needs Fanfiction When Your Own Life Already Feels Like One

by Eva_CS



Category: Gintama
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Yakuza, Domestic Fluff, Domestic Violence, F/F, F/M, Female Hijikata, Female Kondo, Female Oboro, Fluff, Gender or Sex Swap, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One-shots mix, Sakata Triplets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 02:37:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16864591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eva_CS/pseuds/Eva_CS
Summary: Your typical family shenanigans and stories, except the sentence "What could possibly go wrong?" was thrown out of the windows without second thoughts. A mix of domestic violence and rom-com in one place. The perfect recipe for disaster."Oi, is that my underwear you are wearing?""How the hell would you know if its yours or not? I didn't even strip down my pants.""Must you two talk about your disgusting strawberry boxer at the middle of dinner? Some people like to eat in peace.""Shut up, all of you. Before I shut you up myself."





	Who Needs Fanfiction When Your Own Life Already Feels Like One

**Author's Note:**

> So me and my friend decided that if we don't get the Ginhiji content that we want then we'll just have to write it our-self. This work is a joint project between us, and both of us are not exactly a professional writer plus we don't have any beta reader. Please bear with any miswording and grammar error. I am open to any of your feedback, whether its for grammar and spelling or one shot requests. This fic will be alike with Gintama that has a lot of arcs and one shots story but only one big plot line. Enjoy the ride!

Chapter 1

 

“Please stand. Raise your right hand. Do you promise that the testimony you shall give in the case now before this court shall be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”

 

“I do.”

 

It has been quite a while, the slow ticking of the clock, the pressure and the tense that filled through the whole court almost like an oxygen by now, Gintoki didn’t know how long he has been sitting there, just observing and listening intently at every witnesses who came by to give a bunch of testimonies under the oath. It has certainly been a long time (or at least that’s how Gintoki felt) for just a simple case like this one.

 

He was yet again being presented as an attorney for another stupid, irrelevant case. If you might be asking why Gintoki think the case is pretty stupid, it’s because it’s yet another divorce case. Apparently, his client wanted a divorce because her husband was cheating on her, but the husband refused to have a divorce, her husband denied the fact that he’s having an affair, he refused to sign the divorce paper, and hence why Gintoki was presented there.

 

Gintoki, really, he couldn’t really understand why the case had to drag on this long – well, no actually he’s just slowly getting bored and sleepy as heck by the time they called another witness to come in. Gintoki was trying so hard to repress the yawn that’s threatening to emit from his mouth. Why do they have to call so many witnesses, damn it! By the facts and information that Gintoki had gathered from his sources, the guy’s clearly having an affair. Gintoki’s pretty sure that man’s attorney also knew this, why won’t they just give it up already?

 

Gintoki’s face was clearly screaming that he wanted to get the hell out of there right after another witness came (seriously, why the heck) – or maybe it’s more like he’s dying to slaughter his opponent as quickly as possible. Oh, yeah, that sounded about right. At least, the part where Gintoki could finally lash out and strike down his opponent is so far by now the best moment in the court. The way he effectively shut his opponent up, giving them no chances to counter back with his witty, sharp, right on spot arguments – the look, the fucking look on his opponent’s face knowing they’re fucked and there’s no way out except to accept their defeat. To say Gintoki enjoy it is an underestimation, he love it.

 

It’s what he live for.

 

But still though, as for now, the point is he just wanted to get out and finish this. Maybe, also pray to whatever God up there to give him more interesting and challenging cases.

 

Gintoki is a man of challenge; his soul is practically always craving for something more adventurous. Not like this boring case.

 

Well, as much as boring and as much as Gintoki wanted it to end already, he can’t do much but follow the court until it’s his turn to speak up. Besides he also got a pretty big money out of this. Of course, as a man who’s managed to take control of the flow of the court most of the times, Gintoki was not just your average attorney. To be able to ‘hire’ him to do your case almost means a total guarantee (around 96%) you’ll certainly win the case. Despite of complaining a lot, Gintoki is a very decent attorney who’s serious with his job, he take pride in it after all. He’s sometimes hard to get by though, Gintoki could be picky as hell at choosing his case and normally he wouldn’t want to take up this kind of case – but he had no other cases that really piqued his interest at this time. He’s not like one of his brothers who could sit and do nothing all day to laze around; he simply couldn’t sit idle at home thus why he accepted the case just to kill some time.

 

Gintoki’s mind wandered around once again, although somehow someway he still managed to be focused on the case too while thinking about other (irrelevant) things such as his daily sweets, Ketsuno Ana or his parfait (“They’re not irrelevant!” – Gintoki would argue but really, who the fuck think about sweets and fantasize about a woman in the middle of the justice court). Despite that, he’s still listening and observing properly at every answers and details that were given from the witnesses, his client and the defendant. For a while he only listened, letting the defendant’s attorney to ask his client multiple questions and choosing to stay silent as he didn’t find any trouble on the questions. It’s better to observe and listen first anyway, rather than immediately jumping on the matter head-on.

 

It’s Gintoki’s way of winning actually, he would listen, observe, gathering enough stuffs before it’s finally his turn to ‘attack’. He’ll mercilessly attack them with all the facts he had gathered beforehand, using every word they have bared against them back without even letting them speak out their objections to defend themselves. He definitely enjoys crushing down his enemy by playing and tripping them around. I mean, isn’t it satisfying to see them relax, thinking they have the upper hand because all the while Gintoki would stay quiet and only asked a few necessary questions before finally, he crush them down.

 

It’s very satisfying.

 

Or maybe it’s Gintoki and his Do-S side. Either way, it’s enough to pump his adrenaline, feeling his whole body drain with excitement.

 

“Does the prosecutor have any questions?”

 

Upon hearing it was finally his time, Gintoki snapped back into reality. He let a smirk made its way to his face.

 

Finally.

 

Fucking finally.

 

‘Well then, let’s have some fun, shall we.’

 

A smirk and for a moment there, it was almost like his eyes glow red, and the look on his face was the look of a predator ready to finish his meal any time soon.

 

* * *

 

> Name: Sakata Gintoki

 

> Age: 29 years old

 

> Gender: Male

 

> Occupation: Public Attorney

 

> Likes: Sweets and Extreme Sports

 

> Dislikes: People

 

“Really Gintoki?  You actually wrote ‘People’ as your dislike?” Katsura inquired whilst waving the damn profile paper in front of his face. His face’s expression basically already questioning him more than the sentences itself.

 

A heavy sigh escaped from his mouth and a frown settled on his face. Let Gintoki fill the paper himself, they said. It will be fine, they said. Ha, who the fuck in their right minds actually believes the eldest of the triplets, Sakata Gintoki, would be able to fill something like this seriously? Apparently, this guy named Katsura Kotaro does.

 

It’s not Gintoki’s fault, okay? He’s only doing what he’s asked to do. Katsura told him to fill it as serious as possible; the damn wig won’t stop pestering him to fill out new updated profile. So, he did. He gave up when the long-haired man dared to corner him in his private time with Parfait-chan together with more idiots; one of the idiots is currently laughing his head off while flirting with the waitress. Gintoki prayed to God that his stupid excuse of a friend would choke on his own spit so he could shut the hell up for once. He’s finally out of the court room, trying to ease his headache and sleepiness by eating his parfait in peace. He even ran away from Shinpachi (his secretary), just to avoid getting more pressing legal matters. But, alas, if you asked life to give you something, it’ll give you exactly the opposite of you want. Life sucks. Much like his friends.

 

“Come on, Gintoki. I thought you’ll be more serious at this,” Katsura sighed, leaning back to the seat which earned a frown from Gintoki. His eyebrows twitched and Gintoki took a scoop of his parfait before shoving it inside his mouth.

 

“Oi, oi, what are you saying Zura –“

 

“Zura ja nai, Katsura da!”

 

“- I’m being serious here. I am 100% serious, what the hell are you saying? Gin-san is a very serious man when it comes to his work. So, don’t say that, you’re hurting my pride here, Zura,” Gintoki didn’t understand what’s the big deal, anyway. It’s not like he’s joking around, he’s serious. He’s only telling the truth, Katsura should close his mouth and stop nagging him. Gintoki’s an adult for pete’s sake, an adult who take his job seriously and an adult who’s dying to eat his parfait without being disturbed. People these days have no respect regarding personal space and private time.

 

Another scoop of his amazing parfait and Gintoki’s mood was slowly getting better as the ice cream melt on top of his tongue. Sweets are the best after all. If only he could enjoy it in peace though. Another idiotic laugh escaped from his other friend’s mouth and Gintoki has had enough of this.

 

Why the fuck is this guy’s here anyway?

 

The silver haired men gathered all his strength on his feet and planted it on the idiot’s face.

 

“Enough with your laugh, it’s starting to piss me off!”

 

One more laugh he heard and he swear on his parfait, he’ll shove this spoon down Tatsuma’s throat.

 

Much to his dismay though, the idiot ignored his cry of frustration and started laughing again the moment Gintoki removed his feet off the man’s face.

 

“Ahaha Ahaha Ahaha, now, now, stop minding small things and enjoy your life, Kintoki!”

 

“My name is Gintoki you dimwit, if you want to talk to that blonde fuckboy then go to him instead of bothering me here!”

 

Fortunately, before they got kicked out of the café for who-knows-how-many-times, Katsura decided to intercept their argument. By smashing both of their face on to the table. Still grumbling, Gintoki glared the long dark-haired guy he called his childhood friend, trying to see if he will disintegrate if he kept glaring or not.

 

“Give it up, Gintoki. You’ll never get rid of us, we’re like a stain on your underpants.”

 

“MY BOXERS ARE CLEAN THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!”

 

God, please summon a goddamn meteor on top of his friends right now or better yet, open a large hole that connected right to hell so the devils down there could immediately drag his friends away from him.

 

Gintoki has had enough.

 

How many times has he said that now?

 

He didn’t know and he didn’t care.

 

The tantrums that has been thrown around among them slowly quite down as they received glares from the tables around them and a very scary smile and aura emitting from one of the waitresses. They’re not going to get kicked out again for the second time.

 

Sakamoto Tatsuma, the loud fellow with sunglasses, continued on his journey to flirt (re: harass) with the women there who passed their booth. Gintoki who decided to ignore him continue to eat his parfait, it’s heavenly, Sakamoto and Katsura be damned.

 

“That aside, what’s with this half-assed written profile, Gintoki? You still hold grudges or something?”

 

“Tch, ‘or something’.”

 

It’s not like it was a lie. Gintoki does hate people on some extend, people are annoying, some of them are even worse than the demons, he doesn’t have any grudges on human race but he definitely dislikes most of the people in this rotten world, a rotten world for rotten people, what a perfect combination.

 

Gintoki despise people, especially women. Heavens, women are loud. They will annoy him by flocking wherever he goes. Not to mention screaming on top of their lungs even though he can hear them just fine. Why can’t they just speak normally? His Nee-san speaks gingerly, only raising her voice when it’s absolutely needed. Otae and Tsukuyo, despite their violent nature, also speak gently. But then again that other ill-natured woman raises her voice very often, mainly to her subordinates. Can’t even blame her for that case, her subordinates mostly consist of women too, a bunch of gorilla women to be exact. Not to mention she smokes a lot. What’s with this town anyway? Why only Tokyo which has a bunch of violent gorilla women as police officers? A woman should be pretty and dainty like Ketsuno Ana. Weather girls are definitely the epitome of Japanese beauty.

 

Gintoki’s inner thoughts were halted by another hit to his head.

 

“Would you stop that—“ glaring at the offender, Gintoki brought a hand up to rub his head.

 

“Your phone has been ringing for the past 10 minutes. Judging by the ringtone it should’ve been your Nee-san.”

 

Panicked, Gintoki hurriedly pulled out his phone and accepted the call. Shit. He forgot the appointment he had with his sister. Gintoki had promised her, he would immediately came home right after finishing his case and yet here he’s, being accompanied (more like they forced themselves on Gintoki) by his stupid friends eating a parfait.

 

For the record though, Gintoki just wanted to have a quick escape to enjoy his parfait in order to ease the headache that’s quick to form, the idiots who tugged along with Gintoki made him forget about his appointment.

 

The moment he put his phone on his ear was the moment he both regretted and grateful of. He expected to be yelled, scolded, anything that’s bad on the list but not this. Definitely not this, he should’ve expected this unexpected call. It was his mistake.

 

“N-nee-san?”

 

“… You forgot didn’t you?” came the smooth, calm voice that somehow sent chill through Gintoki’s spines.

 

“W-what? Noooo, of course not! Pfft, what are you talking about, Nee-san? It would be impossible for me to forget about such thing!”

 

Gintoki was starting to sweat and his friends were not helping at all.

 

Katsura gave him an unamused stare, in which he returned with a full blown glare and a middle finger.

 

“I swear, I didn’t forget. I’ll immediately come back! I’m on my way, right now.”

 

A sigh escaped the mouth of the woman in the end of the line and Gintoki momentarily held his breath. “Hah …, fine, just get your ass back home as soon as possible.” And that was his sister’s silent warning for him not to drop on some other places on his way back home if he didn’t want to get his ass being handed to him.

 

“Yes, yes, roger that.”

 

Letting out the breath he held, Gintoki finally finished his parfait, picking up his things and shoving them to his briefcase. Waving slightly at his friends while slipping the money for his parfait, he’s quick to walk away from there and immediately went to his car.

 

He hoped that the angels would be kind enough to let him drive back home without being held by something stupid (like his friends, again) or getting stuck on traffic. He definitely didn’t want to get on his sister’s bad side.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave some comments and talk to me! Hope you enjoyed the first chapter.


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